Ridiculous Reticulation by a Preposterous Giraffe on the Edge

The Canonization of Gerry Giraffe

We Giraffes who have joined forces together on Facebook have not only formed a powerful organization called the Giraffe Liberation Front, but we also have had our trials and tribulations.  Among our most solid membership stepped forth a giraffe like none other.  His name was Gerry Giraffe.

Gerry was a legend...

In the early stages of the formation of our unified organization, Gerry stepped forth and assumed the role of our ‘High Protector’.  A position that he needed not only his sharp defense skills, but also a set of eyes in the back of his head, as the position placed him in a position of dangers with our enemies.  Who were our enemies you might ask?  Lions, hyenas and crocodiles of course.  The lions of course were the most organized and had their own group of internationally feared assassins that already had marks on the leadership of our organization, myself included.

Gerry stepped forward to protect all the executives in our organization, including myself, for which I am truly grateful.  His keen skill, and swift kicking ability enabled him to thwart many an attack on the GLF high command.  However, Gerry’s dedication, like a steel bridge in a hurricane, could not withstand the onslaught indefinitely. 

In January of 2010, Gerry was abducted by a lion front group headed by a rouge lion named ‘Al Quando Mange’.  This group tortured Gerry, and

Gerry Giraffe during his abduction; a hostage photo.

attempted to interrogate him on the whereabouts of the GLF headquarters, and the hidden location of our senior commanders around the globe.  What they did not estimate correctly was the steadfast defiance that Gerry demonstrated, despite their many attempts to torture him. 

Gerry not only withstood the brutality, but he also managed to pass along hidden clues about his location that allowed the GLF to rescue him and effectively kill all the lions involved.  All, that is, with the exception of Al Quando Mange, who managed to escape and whose whereabouts remain unknown to this day.

In later years, Gerry continuing in his role as our high protector, began secret espionage trips to hunt down Al Quando Mange and his newly formed Giraffe hate group called ‘Giraffes Are On the Menu’ also known as ‘GROM’. 

At one point Gerry was gone so long on one of these excursions, rumors bounded around the internet that he had disappeared much like Elvis, and his legend grew. 

He eventually returned as a reluctant folk hero among the Giraffes, and other creatures who had now rallied with the GLF in universal liberation.  It was during this time period that it happened.  Gerry died.  Presumably killed by lions, who left no remains, we at GLF headquarters even placed a headstone on our front lawn. 

Gerry however, elusive as ever, returned from the grave and even though he has been replaced as high protector remained on as our ambassador to the undead.  Gerry now had connections to the otherside, which made him even more fearsome to the enemy than ever before.  However, with all the international pressure from other groups seeking similar protection, and countless writers wanting to pen his biography, Gerry became even more daring in his attacks on the enemy.

Gerry Giraffe will be canonized as the first saint of the Giraffe Liberation Front movement.

It proved to be fatal.  On one winter morning, Gerry took on some video game manufacturers that were trying to produce video games that depicted Giraffes being eaten by lions.  Gerry became furious, and destroyed all of the hard drives, and software.  In his fury, he burned down the building, and left it in ruin.  However, before he could escape the rubble, it collapsed on him and Gerry was lost to us forever.

Recently, I wrote the Pope at the Vatican and asked him to Canonize Gerry Giraffe as the first Giraffe Saint.  The response was all but encouraging.  I was told that because Gerry was not human, that he had no soul, and therefore could not be canonized under Catholicism.  Knowing this was a long shot, and knowing that Gerry was anything but enamored with this religion, we moved to another plan.

We at GLF headquarters decided to Canonize Gerry Giraffe ourselves.  So the Canonization of Gerry Giraffe will occur this summer sometime with a large drinking party and naked dancing party.   As befitting the GLF, and to make our saints different from those seen in Rome at the Vatican, we have elected to depict our saints with a wavy halo, as a symbol of our irregular purity as Giraffes.

For security reasons, the location will only be disclosed to those that join the Girraffe Liberation Front on Facebook, either on the fan page or group page.  Thank you.

Soon he will be known as 'Saint Gerry Giraffe' our most prized asset.

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