Ridiculous Reticulation by a Preposterous Giraffe on the Edge

The Beer Belly Jelly Myth

Let’s talk a minute about beer belly jelly.  Some people work their whole lives to create the perfect beer belly, and few admire it.  I often wonder why not.  I mean, don’t they realize the effort that goes into creating such an massive achievement? 

Be proud of your beer belly!

Beer belly jelly is essentially what some could accuse Santa Claus of.  I mean, have you ever taken a good look at Santa?  I cannot for one minute think that it is totally created with milk and cookies.  That is some BS propaganda handed down through the years to hide the true cause, which is Santa’s drinking habits. 

Yes, I am sure he isolates himself at the North Pole for the sole purpose of avoiding detection.  He probably has his own private brewery, and drinks a keg a day.  But why shouldn’t he?  Do some actually feel that would tarnish his image?  Do they even give one moments consideration on how friggin’ cold it is at the North Pole?  Insensitive do-good image conscious wimps if you ask me. 

I think Santa has a drinking problem, and that accounts for not only the beer belly jelly, but the red nose, and all the other red cheeky looks, etc.  I do not have a problem with it, and I really do not care if he goes to rehab or anything like that.  I just hate all the closeted facts. 

Go ahead and show off your beer belly jelly!

 Why must we parade around the ‘Jolly Ol’ Elf’ image, when we know it is the Beer Belly Jelly Bonanza?  Is there some sort of stigma on the subject of beer belly jelly?  Does everyone need to be a fashion model? 

So if someone strays from that damn ideal, and ventures into beer belly land, that we are supposed to regard them with contempt? 

What the hell is this world coming to?  I say, if you have beer belly jelly, then you should flaunt it if you wish, and so should Santa!

Beer belly carriers are achievers of a long hard won effort, and is somewhat symbolic of freedom!  Kicking back and relaxing and building up that beer belly jelly is not easy!  Some could say they work as hard on it as the model who exercises all the time! 

So if you see someone romping around trying to hide or suppress their beer belly jelly, take a moment and talk to them for me.  Tell them that it is okay to modify their clothes to promote their grand accomplishment!  Make them know that they should be recognized for all that they do! 

Consider all the people they employ who manufacture beer!  If they stopped drinking, who knows how many jobs would be lost!  So if you have a beer belly, and it is filled with jelly, go forth and wiggle it and show the world that you are proud! 

Why should Santa have to hide his drinking? Are we so selfish?

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