Ridiculous Reticulation by a Preposterous Giraffe on the Edge
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  • Emphatic Giraffe Speech: We are Laughing at you

    Posted By on June 3, 2014

    Emphatic Giraffe speech

    Photo credit: Jane M. Sawyer

    Our giraffe culture is different that humans with our emphatic giraffe speech.  We can clearly express our ideas, quite often better than humans.  Some do not think we can, and call us silly for trying, however we are masters as expression.

    Oh, sure we are regarded as humorous and have often been included in jokes for amusement.  However, we are not as silly as some of you might take us for.  We can express ourselves, and often do.  You are the ones who cannot understand us, and for that we are secretly laughing at you.

    Therefore, the next time you laugh at a giraffe, and think we are funny, realize something: we are laughing back at you.  We have an entire belly full of laughter going off in your direction, just because we think you are funny.

    We are the giraffes, and we are laughing at you emphatically.  We are so high up that you might not notice us wink at each other across a distance, and laugh secretly behind your back.  Trust me, we are.  You are hysterical to us.  We might not point a hoof, but we will lay our ears back and let out a whoop now and then.


    Butt scratching in public: Is it an etiquette infraction or a glorious relief?

    Posted By on May 28, 2014

    Ever have that need to scratch? Do you really care if others notice? Is butt scratching in public obvious?  Some would say they can pick out a butt-scratch a mile away, whereas other try to pride themselves with the idea that they do not notice.  However, I would suggest that it is noticeable, and quite obvious, and quite possibly one of the most glorious moments out there.

    Let’s look at a family trip to Disney World.  You take a photo of the street view at the amusement park.  You want to show your friends later.  When you come home, you examine the pictures more carefully and discover a butt scratch front and center.

    Butt Scratch at Disney

    It may not have been obvious at the time, but through the magic of photography the moment is captured in time.  In fact the photograph takes on a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?

    Therefore we can pose the question: Does a butt scratch improve a photo?  Look at the example above.  The white puffy clouds create an almost surreal back drop to the moment of what we can only assume is pure joy!  We can imagine the face of the man scratching and feel his relief vicariously!  Others pass him in the street, and do not take notice of his pleasure but we can.

    We can look at this photo and say aloud to ourselves: this is more than just a typical photo of an amusement park!  It is a photo balanced with artistic reflection of the musings of society, the hustling of the passing crowd and yet centered in complete relief! The man scratching his butt could be perhaps best exemplify a complete escape from the trappings of the world!

    Does this photo not offer up a moment of liberation for you when you see it in this manner?  It almost brings a tear to your eye knowing that this mere mortal in the middle of all those trappings of the amusement park held dear to his fundamental freedom and let loose with a scratch because he needed the relief!  How wonderful is that?  Consider this is not an infraction against social etiquette, but something far greater and glorious!

    Giraffopia photo credit: mason13a via photopin cc

    Food that Aligns with Life: The Turd Sandwich

    Posted By on May 27, 2014

    If there was one food that aligns with life, it is the turd sandwich.  Life sometimes has a way of making things difficult.  Sometimes societies develop into a higher level of stupidity by electing leaders to run things that really do not make sense.  Food can align with life, if you really look for it.


    The turd sandwich of life.

    In some cultures, the turd sandwich is a delicacy.  It might surprise you, but it is true.  Leadership of countries hand them out with every news segment.  They also make life miserable for the little guy working in his daily life.  They tax the rich, give to the ‘poor’ and eventually there are no more ‘rich’.  This is a philosophical ‘turd sandwich‘ no matter how you express it, because the money taken never really gets to the poor, just some government agency.

    Life in general also has a way of serving out turd sandwiches with natural disasters, bad weather and general unpleasantness of hot or cold temperatures.  It is indecent, and unpalatable.

    Don’t get down about it.  Just eat yours and move on.  Try to find better food, or in the case of politics and climate, intelligent leaders and nicer places to live.  You might have to eat turd sandwiches as the unspoken truth of society, but you only have to do this as long as you allow it to be that way.

    There will come a time in this world where common sense rises above the norm of over the top goofy stupidity, andsmall_1582291 turd sandwiches will be removed from the menu.  Until then, consider that unless you do something about it and keep yourself grounded as you do to common sense, the world will be filled with professional chef’s dishing out turd sandwiches to the masses.  Many who dine on these daily do not realize they are doing so.  It is because they are blinded in an illusion, much like food in Peter Pan’s ‘Never-Neverland’.  

    So people eat them with vigor thinking they are something else, and something special that they need.  Check what you are dining on in life, and make sure it is not a turd sandwich.  Give it a sniff, and really try to see it for what it is, not what you are told it is.

    Giraffopia photo credit: mugley via photopin cc; and also photo credit: MikeWebkist via photopin cc

    What a Presidential Nosepick Looks Like

    Posted By on May 26, 2014

    Have you ever been in a public place and needed to go deep for the ol’ tickler that is up the sinus cavity?  You know that feeling of one of those genuine scratchy foreign objects otherwise known as a hardened booger? We have all been there, that is for sure.  If you try to deny it, you are just lying.  Nothing can be more annoying that a one of those pointy ones that just cries out for picking!

    Presidential Nosepick

    The Presidential nose pick technique.

    Imagine if you will that you are in a high profile position with cameras continually pointed at you whenever you go out in public. Consider the president of the USA, when one of the old pointy ones starts to do the dingle-dingle.  What are your options?  How can you attack it without anyone calling you out on it?

    You have to go digging!  You know there is no other option.  Sniffing inward yields no results!  Blowing outward could result in an even bigger disaster!  What to do, what to do?

    The technique could best be described as the ‘Presidential Nosepick’ approach. One must outwardly appear to be concentrating on the events at hand, while one carefully places both hands in the vicinity of one’s nasal cavity.

    Bill Clinton

    Former President Bill Clinton goes deep…

    One must then, appear to be focused elsewhere in the room.  Don a persona of a careful ‘thinker’ with both hands covering ones nose in such a way as to appear that the fingers are all accounted for.

    However, the fingers are a mere distraction!  They are part of the illusion to draw attention away from the pick!  The real techniques require the thumbs up both nostrils!  This gives one the ability to pinch both cavities and be successful in the extraction!

    Whoo-hoo!  The exciting feeling one must have to not only achieve relief, but also to have no one else in the room be the wiser! The next trick, of course is to pass it off to someone else with a hearty pat on the back or handshake with Joe Biden, or even on the sequins of Mrs Obama’s dress.  All too easy…

    Obama photo credit: jurvetson via photopin cc; Bill Clinton photo credit: Esthr via photopin cc